Review of "I am Legend"

The new Will Smith thriller "I am Legend" is an intense look at a post-apocalyptic New York City. The story is told through flashbacks from Smith, an Army scientist that has helped cure cancer. While the scientific milestone is revolutionary, the side affects have a much more grave effect on civilization.

End of the world films are very en vogue now. "I am Legend" has an uncanny ability to put people on edge while at the same time showing them a world that we all hope to never see. Though it has only a PG-13 rating, the idea of a disease that can turn human beings into flesh eating zombies has a way of getting under people's skin.

I particularly applaud directors who can use suspense and intensity to raise the bar and scare the hell out of people. 28 Days/Weeks Later did it but there is a fair amount of blood and gore to accompany the R rating. But a PG-13 film that can do it is a real prize and this is where "I am Legend" shines.

M. Night Shyamalan had made his career making films that touch an inner nerve. The Sixth Sense and Signs are lessons in how to scare the hell out of people without the use of hockey masks and chainsaws.

I believe this film will be a welcome respite for all of us traveling home to visit with friends and family for the holidays. We could probably all use a night out with an old high school friend, away from Aunt Eunice and Cousin Jerome. I love my family, but I am hoping my brother and I can get out of the house when our parents decide to discuss the current political climate or the rising cost of gasoline. It would be nice to take a drive to the mega-plex and get whisked away to another world.

If nothing else, "I am Legend" gives you that world. It offers a stark and desolate view of New York City dominated by wild animals during the day and overly aggressive zombies at night. A dreary and uninhabited New York City probably does not sit well with everyone but in "I am Legend," the city itself is the main character.

Movies depicting the end of mankind are great because they feature shots of abandoned metropolises. We have seen other films where New York is transferred into a ghost town. In The Devil's Advocate, Keanu Reeves exits the hospital after his wife attempts suicide to see a completely empty Third Avenue. In Vanilla Sky, Tom Cruise gets Time Square completely to himself for a joyride in a fast Italian sports car. But in "I am Legend" Smith's character is the only human being walking around...for the first 45 minutes anyway.

Smith takes full advantage of the empty city. He decorates his home with priceless paintings from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He is also free to go about his usual duties of trying to find a cure for the virus. He balances the stress of his work by shooting golf balls off aircraft carriers and hunting deer with a sub-automatic machine gun. But we also see a more melancholy aspect of his existence. In an effort to stay sane, he rents videos at a store he has filled with department store mannequins so that he can feel like part of a society instead of the last man on earth.



It becomes apparent in the second act of the movie that The Fresh Prince is not alone on the island of Manhattan, not at all. There is an entire clan of rabid zombies that feed on anything that bleeds. These zombies are quick as hell, overly aggressive and very determined to get Smith. The cure for cancer which Smith helped create has morphed these poor humans into a hideous sub-species that are afraid of sunlight but are free to terrorize and run amok in the nighttime.

This monstrous new breed of being is led by a sinister and determined leader that has it out for Smith. Though the zombies cannot speak words, they can communicate with each other through grunts, screams and violence and they display intelligence that is equal to a human being. This isn’t your Mommas boring, slow moving, hands outstretched, mouth open and drooling, zombie. These zombies act like they are strung out on crack, pumped full of adrenaline and have been drinking Jolt Cola all day. And they have a big axe to grind with Smith.



The film producers were smart and gave our hero a dog to speak to as a companion/sidekick. This way he's not talking to himself or a volleyball with a bloody hand print on it like Tom Hanks in Castaway.

The movie opens with a spectacular car chase featuring a cherry-red Ford Shelby Mustang. He is hunting live game through midtown Manhattan and his prey is free to jump over cars, hide in tunnels and crash through deserted storefront windows. It's unlike anything that has been done before and the animals which are digitally created seem very real. What looks a bit contrived in terms of the special effects are the monsters or "Dark Seekers" as they are called later in the film. Though the zombies are based on humans, for some reason they decided to use CGI to depict the creatures. It gives the them a, “Gollum” from The Lord of the Rings feel and it ends up being unnecessary and a bit of a letdown.

Normally Smith is regarded at "Mr. Summer Blockbuster" for his roles in I, Robot, Independence Day, and the Men in Black films. He does not disappoint in this one, but there is a scene where he quotes two minutes of the film Shrek and it makes him look foolish and asinine - not something you want to see from the main character.

Aside from that, "I am Legend" will keep you on the edge of your seat and leave you and your friends pondering the premise of a world deprived of people long after the credits role.

The film has made more than $225 million dollars so far and of course they leave it open for a sequel. Let's hope Hollywood does this original justice because I know they will continue the story. Where there is money to be made, there is a producer willing to exploit and tarnish a great tale. It would be a real shame if they crammed a sub-par story down our throats based on the success of this first movie.

Speaking of shoving crap down our throats...



One of the trailers shown during the previews was "Dark Knight" featuring Christian Bale as Batman. This was our first official glimpse of Heath Ledger at the Joker and boy does he look menacing. The look of Ledger’s character is a complete 180 from the devilish villain Jack Nicholson portrayed in Tim Burton’s version from the late 80’s. Nicholson brought a panache and was always magnificently dressed, with perfectly coiffed hair and manicured nails.



This new vision by Christopher Nolan, (Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige) went in an entirely different direction with the Joker’s look. Nicholson's joker was sleek, refined, charismatic and immaculately groomed with an older man’s control and intelligence. Ledger is wickedly enthralling but he looks like he slept in a ditch - with his mussed hair that looks like he dyed it himself in a gas station bathroom, then smeared the caked-on makeup over his horribly scarred face. It all plays in to his childish and overtly psychotic nature - which is the way the character should be played.



Normally I would not support such a film because the Tim Burton movie is a cinematic classic and Jack Nicholson's performance as the Joker remains one of his best. But I am curious about this new movie because this Batman movie seems darker and more menacing than even the Burton films - which I never thought possible considering how many bad dreams Batman Returns gave to little kids when it first opened.

I hate Warner Brothers for creating this new franchise when the Burton film still stands the test of time and remains as great today as when it came out roughly 16 years ago. But I must admit that I am intrigued because the Joker is probably the richest role anyone could ever ask for. I imagine most professional actors would choose it over Hamlet or Stanley Kowalski from A Streetcar Named Desire because it allows the actor to be sexy, captivating, lethal, dangerous and utterly insane all at once.

I just think it sets a bad example when the Hollywood machine can churn out another one of these movies while the originals are still very fresh in our minds. If they throw Ledger at us now, what's to prevent them from deciding that next year the Joker had a couple of daughters out of wedlock with the Catwoman and the Olsen twins would be a most welcome addition to the famous, criminally-minded family.

In short, NOTHING.

They will keep thinking this dreck up and we will keep paying ten bucks a seat to suck it down. The least they could do is hire a Yank to play one of the more sought after American heroes in one of the most famous comic books story lines to come out in the U.S.(Bale is from Wales, Nolan is from the England and Ledger is from Australia).

I will probably see it rather than be the guy that has to listen to everyone else talk about it, but also because the film was shot here in Chicago. The film crew actually camped out in my company’s office and put lights up to shine down on the streets for some of the chase scenes.

If they had given me an extras part this might be a more glowing review.

The Golden Compass

There is a well known formula that has been created and now Hollywood is using it every chance it gets to fill theater seats. I don't blame the West Coast machine. They have not been able to come out with hits like they use to. There hasn't been an E.T. or Forrest Gumptype of film for some time.

Any good movies coming out these days reek of remakes. The remakes of the remakes come out even faster. How many Supermans, Batmans, or Incredible Hulks will we stand for before we, as Americans cry out, "The original was fine! Leave it alone...at least for 10 years!"

Technology is pushing this drive. It seems like the studios are creating films specifically marketed toward people that have big screen televisions and surround sound. It doesn't matter if the movie is any good, as long as these idiots can be the first to own the DVD on Blu-Ray or high-def.

Even people that don't earn a decent wage have huge t.v.'s with elaborate equipment. There is almost a pressure among young men these days to have a plasma or some kind of 57 inch television in every room of the house, even if they can't make rent payments.


Walk into any Best Buy or Circuit City and you will see a football field sized retail setting complete with multiple mock living rooms devoted to what you could have in your own house as long as you are willing to spend the money. Best Buy and Circuit City probably train their staff on how to successfully swindle a mortgage payment out of some foolish putz that believes he can only enjoy a film on a 60 inch monstrosity with speakers as long as a sofa.

What kills me the most is that I will probably never be able to afford one of these systems and I consider myself a true film connoisseur. Even funnier are the douche bags who do get them and can't wait to watch crap movies like American Pie 5 or The Mummy 8. Throw a couple of buzz words like "Director's Cut," or "Unrated Edition" on the film packaging and you can easily rope in a sucker glad to pay $45 for a crap film loaded with extras that he will never watch.

It would kill these losers to buy an epic like Ben-Hur or The Bridge Over the River Kwai - or any kind of film created before every stunt and special effect was done with CGI technology.

In all truthfulness, I understand it a little bit. Some people would rather stay home for a movie than pay 10 bucks and sit in a theater where the floors will be sticky, someones annoying cell phone ringer is sure to go off, and where there will be more than a few inconsiderate people talking throughout the feature.

People are realizing that for 15 -30 bucks, they can buy the movie as soon as it comes out and enjoy it forever, or at least until they get tired of it and sell it on Ebay. It's a wise solution for people who are tired of schlepping to the theater only to find out the show has been sold out or that parking will run them thirty dollars.

One such movie that you will probably see in abundance on Ebay in the coming months is The Golden Compass. It will be on Ebay because smart people who skipped it while it was in theaters will be sucked in by the marketing and advertising blitz that is currently going on to promote the lackluster project. It seems like there is a Golden Compass movie poster in every video store or a banner ad for it's release on "Special Edition" DVD on every major Internet site.

If you are wondering what makes it a "Special Edition," I wouldn't know, and I am not about to find out. I am not wasting any more money on this horrid film. But I can only assume they found more meaningless crap to pack into a longer version of the film, complete with interactive navigation menus and a bunch of crap documentaries that chronicled the big budget mess that ensued after it was conceived at a luncheon in North Hollywood.

The Golden Compass is the best example of recycled dreck that I have ever seen. I made the dumb-ass mistake of going to see it in theaters because I did not know much about it and because the cast looked fairly impressive. Probably the real reason I sat through it was that the film I wanted to see had sold out and it was the only thing showing around that time slot.

I can honestly tell you that each actor that signed on to the project sold out big time. They all went for the money, and I am sure there was alot of it, because anybody that read the script must have known from the beginning that this was going to be a waste of celluloid, and the only thing that might confuse or fool people would be big-name actors.

Nicole Kidman (The Others, Billy Bathgate, To Die For), Sam Elliott (Rush, Thank you for Smoking, The Big Lebowski), Daniel Craig (Road to Perdition, Layer Cake, Munich), Eva Green (Casino Royale, Kingdom of Heaven) along with the voices of Kathy Bates (Misery, Primary Colors, Fried Green Tomatoes) and Ian McKellen (X-Men, Apt Pupil, Richard III) all went for a big pay day by associating their respected names with this poor excuse for entertainment.

I guess they all want to be associated with children's movies that have franchise potential. They are getting older now, and most have kids so I guess they feel a need to be the "cool parents."

I could go into the story but in a word, it's lame, and would be a waste of time. They stole from The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Jumanji, The Time Machine, and The Chronicles of Narnia, among others. Any movie that came out in the past 10 years that had even a hint of fantasy or was able to wow audiences with special effects and mysticism was stolen and reformulated to work in this suck story.

The main role of the little girl is played by an obnoxious red-headed brat who is neither cute, enjoyable, nor a good child actress. She gets her hands on the Golden Compass which a cheap looking, vending machine device which can supposedly tell the future. It's her job to protect it and use it for good. Instead, she bitches and moans about the responsibility associated with it. It is all very similar to a certain Hobit's speech about carrying another golden object.



Not to be outdone, she is teamed-up an even more annoying sidekick who is the biggest Tiny Tim/Oliver/David Copperfield wannabe ever put on screen. Merry old England must be full of frail, pastey kids, with freckles and crooked teeth. But why on earth they would put them on screen is beyond me.


The bad guys, which are never really that threatening or dangerous, would remind you of the evil priests from The Da Vinci Code. Oh yea, and I forgot the best part; everyone in the cast has an animal as an alter-ego that follows them wherever they go, and that acts as kind of a conscious or beast-like representation of that person.

The concept is silly and the animals are even more annoying than the people. About the only redeeming quality of the film is the polar bear fight. It's exciting for about a minute and then ends with a cheesy line.


Nicole Kidman plays a villain which works because she looks ravishing. She has not looked this attractive since she appeared in Batman Forever. She also gives that red-haired monster mentioned above a tough time, which is enjoyable.

Daniel Craig, fresh off playing the new bad-ass James Bond shows up for about three seconds of the movie. He plays a giant wimp who is in serious trouble by the end of the film. Again, don't care in the least if he dies.


Eva Green plays some kind of flying harpie and it's tough to see her in a children's film after we saw every inch of her naked in The Dreamers. She kicks some but on some snow clad village reminiscent of the island of lost toys and then flies off.


This long-ass movie does look expensive. The sell-out actors named above demand high salaries, and the special effects are pretty impressive, but they do nothing to engage the viewer or get the audience to care about the characters.

Every special effect, background setting and trace of fairy dust was added by some computer nerd, and it makes the entire concept that much more unbelievable.

The ending was left open and I am sure they will try and make more installments. I only hope that the film did so poorly at the box office and with home video sales that all the major studios bury any attempts to keep the storyline going.

Avoid this one like the plague. If you are at someones house, bored out of your mind, don't pop this one in the DVD player or buy it On-Demand. It's swill, best suited for the toilet than a video screen.

Two out of Five Stars.